The Fence, Newsletter

In Defence

of Mean Girls

In Defence

of Mean Girls

Sarah Haque travels back to Challney High School for Girls.

Shreds of Approval

Like Gauguin, Misti Traya mixes her marmalade in the purest vermillion.

Mr Blobby

Has a Cold

Mr Blobby

Has a Cold

Tom Nicholson searches for the legends lodged beneath the latex.

Put Money

in thy Purse

Put Money

in thy Purse

Clive Martin meets the fringe activists battling against the dawn of the cashless age.

Drinking

with the Greats

Drinking

with the Greats

A beer with Brunel? Or a bevvy with Boudica? The Fence digs deep into the BBC's 100 Greatest Britons list and asks: would they be good value in the pub?

Lost in

the Woods

Lost in

the Woods

Harriet Rix reviews a new book, The Lost Rainforests of Britain, that has been praised by critics on both sides of the political aisles. But are those laurels deserved?

They Log You Off,

Your Mum

and Dad

They Log You Off,

Your Mum

and Dad

Gareth Watkins thinks that his son may need to spend some time offline.

Strangers in the Night

Jimmy McIntosh went for some forgettable pints in Parliament.

Do I Dare

to Eat

a Peach?

Do I Dare

to Eat

a Peach?

We asked Michelle Taylor to leaf through the mesmerically boring letters of T.S. Eliot.

The Rhyme

of the

Ancient Marketer

The Rhyme

of the

Ancient Marketer

Hugh Morris found the man behind those irritating poems from the bank adverts.

Goblin Mode

Our editor-at-large, Fergus Butler-Gallie, tries to buy a new friend.

Under the

Chancellor’s Thumb

Under the

Chancellor’s Thumb

We got a whole range of responses from world-leading historians to one very particular question.

Burning up

in Orbit

Burning up

in Orbit

Danielle Thom waxes lyrical on the centuries-old interplay between humankind and fancy candles.

With a

Thud

With a

Thud

What happens when a hard-earned scoop lands not with a bang, but with a thud? Séamas O'Reilly speaks to Ian Urbina, John Lanchester and Oliver Bullough.

Tyson’s Fury

John Saward looks at the afterlife of an icon.

Signs Taken

for Londres

Signs Taken

for Londres

Rosa Lyster has moved to London – and is still trying to process it.

Sorted for

Cheese and Dips

Sorted for

Cheese and Dips

Eight pounds for a pint and Yotam Ottolenghi on the decks: Clive Martin tunes in to the lifestyle festival scene.

They Stroke Horses,

Don’t They?

They Stroke Horses,

Don’t They?

More than one pun would be too much as Isobel Thompson delves into the world of equine semen.

The Ideas Man

James Waddell investigates the Institute of Art and Ideas, a company that has become a fixture on the British cultural scene.

A Night Out

at the Lighterman

A Night Out

at the Lighterman

A late-night excursion to Barking, to London's most isolated pub.

Chants Would Be

a Fine Thing

Chants Would Be

a Fine Thing

Ever wonder how Sweet Caroline took hold of the country? Chris Milton finds that the answer is classical.

A Modest Proposal

How can the monarchy survive into the 21st century? Francis Martin suggests a plan to ensure its future.

On Her Majesty’s

Secret Service

On Her Majesty’s

Secret Service

Investigative journalist Michael Gillard digs into the double life of a British mandarin.

The Female Gays

It’s puking and it’s leaking! Fiona Mozley reviews the state of Sapphic cinema.

Model Citizens

Jade Angeles Fitton tells us how John Fitton helped create the prototypes for the Spitting Image puppets.

Nobel Endeavours

In which we pose a series of questions to the biggest boffins on the planet.

Grow Your Own

Jack Beaumont reports on scandal and malpractice deep in England’s green and pleasant lands.

Forman, Grilled

It’s a fishy business! Mina Miller takes you inside the salmon smokehouse.

Hey! That’s Great Content

Dan Brotzel takes us inside today’s threshing media mills.

Whips and Chains

Jamie Fewery spent a year at the heart of the Fifty Shades of Grey storm.

The Customer

Is Always Wrong

The Customer

Is Always Wrong

Jonathan Nunn digs into another steaming hot slice of restaurant beef.

No Such Thing: Part Two

Séamas O'Reilly takes Annie Mac to lunch at Daffodil Mulligan in a St Patrick's Day special.

Lest, We Forgot

A dispatch from Liverpool, a city that came close to a cataclsymic terrorist attack.

My Digital

Romance

My Digital

Romance

Juno Kelly recounts her time on Raya, the world’s most ‘exclusive’ dating app.

In the Beginning

Was the Blurb

In the Beginning

Was the Blurb

In a cute little meta twist, Mike Jakeman investigates the blurbocracy.

Orlando’s Odyssey

In a journey across continents, Michelle Taylor risks all for her cat.

No Such Thing

In a new series, we discover the reality of free lunches. In our first outing, Ed Cumming visits Quo Vadis.

A Granny’s

Guide to London

A Granny’s

Guide to London

Sally Howard delves into the lost handbooks of the capital at the Bishopsgate Institute.

Every Little Helps

Join us among the empty shelves, as Róisín Lanigan takes stock in London’s worst Tesco.

Almost

Famous

Almost

Famous

For nearly ten years, Joe Muggs has been trying to help his son’s teacher become a superstar.

Inside

Brampton Manor

Inside

Brampton Manor

Francis Martin reports on the Newham school that can’t stay out of the headlines.

The Low Road

A short story from Cathy Thomas.

The Worst

Bar in London?

The Worst

Bar in London?

Fergus Butler-Gallie loves a night out in Chelsea.

Buy and Shell:

Inside the Battle

for Faberge’s Eggs

Buy and Shell:

Inside the Battle

for Faberge’s Eggs

A barely believable story of internet beef, feuding tycoons and precious little jewels.

Brand

Management

Brand

Management

Henry Jeffreys recalls working for Russell Brand during his poodle-haired pomp.

Club Couture

Jade Angeles Fitton on her time working at London fashion week.

In Search

of Memsahib

In Search

of Memsahib

Sejal Sukhadwala went looking for a restaurant that no longer exists.

How British

is Succession?

How British

is Succession?

We sink our bad teeth into the show that everyone is talking about.

Why

Are You

Asking

Me This?

Why

Are You

Asking

Me This?

As part of a very important ongoing series, The Fence asks very important questions of very important people.

Let the Music

Use You

Let the Music

Use You

I stood on the brink of a thousand possible stories, but the very idea of narrative had been abolished. This wasn’t just going out: it was going way out.

Rambo

A short story from Claire Lowdon.

The

Nothing

Game

The

Nothing

Game

Short fiction by Rebecca Watson.

No Choice but to Stan

From try-hard to die-hard, here’s a guide to who likes what and why.

Monkey

Tennis

Monkey

Tennis

We asked our favourite journalists for the worst, most excruciating pitch they ever had the temerity to send. Here’s what they said.

It Happened

on the Way

to the Forum

It Happened

on the Way

to the Forum

Are the Romans funny? Were they ever? Max Norman scopes out the extent of classical humour.

The Appellation Way

We took a deep dive into the murky absurdities of Companies House.

The

State

of Nature

The

State

of Nature

Can I shock you? I like nature writing. I can’t go along with political dismissals of the genre: it’s too big and wide for that, even in its present denuded state. When it’s done well – and it sometimes is, we’ll get to that eventually – it’s a rich, exciting, even exhilarating form.

Wan

Little

Husks

Wan

Little

Husks

Is Joyce Carol Oates entirely correct about autofiction or is she a hateful elitist monster whose books should be tossed into a gully?

My Year

in Somerset

My Year

in Somerset

James Bloodworth has spent the year shielding his grandmother deep in the English countryside.

Bonus Bonanza

Want to know how much bankers earn? A veteran investment banker lays out the unblushing figures.

Shit Literary Siblings

With tales of forgotten literary siblings now in vogue, we are pleased to introduce you to other forgotten and frankly forgettable blood relations of the canon.

London Coffee Shops as

Failed Dating Experiences

London Coffee Shops as

Failed Dating Experiences

Alex Marraccini compares past dates with women to trendy London coffee shops. And a bit more.

Baby Donald

A short story from Tanjil Rashid.

At the Altar of Capital

Fergus Butler-Gallie on how the Tory Party lost its religion to the pull of the market.

Subscribe here

from £30 only

Subscribe here

from £30 only

A Jesus Fish

Out of Water

A Jesus Fish

Out of Water

An investigation into Senator Josh Hawley’s year in London, where he worked as a teacher at an elite private school and prepared popcorn to watch the US invasion of Iraq.

What the LRB

Bought Me

What the LRB

Bought Me

We asked Britain’s most radical writers how they spark joy.

Pray Not to Be Gay

Inside the sick, sad world of conversion therapy.

Food Fight

Why do Britain’s food writers hate each other?

Life on the Cut

Josh Mcloughlin on his years of continuous cruising.

FBPE Fantasia

Séamas O'Reilly unpicks the last four years of remainiac delusions and Tory malfeasance, in the hope of finding out how the rush to rejoin ended up beached on digital sands?

May Day

Short fiction by Sophie Mackintosh.

Secret

Chef Reviews

Marina O'Loughlin

Secret

Chef Reviews

Marina O'Loughlin

Five stars on the house for the Sunday Times' anonymous critic!

The Governess

Confesses

The Governess

Confesses

What it’s like to work for Moscow’s super-rich.

Who Called Boris

on Friday?

Who Called Boris

on Friday?

A tipster’s guide to which donor forced through the grouse shooting exemption.

How to Write

In a world exclusive, The Fence is delighted to publish three extracts from Martin Amis’ newest novel.

All Possible Plots

by Major Authors

All Possible Plots

by Major Authors

We praise canonical authors for their boundless imagination. Then why do all their plots feel the same?

National Harambe Service

A short story from Omar Al-Khayatt.

My Prodigy Son

Lockdown has been hard for all parents, but especially challenging for one particular correspondent.

A Series of

Unfortunate Names

A Series of

Unfortunate Names

What’s in a name? John Phipps fires up his LinkedIn and investigates.

Our Friends in Hereford

A military insider explains why the Special Air Service is permitted to act with deadly impunity.

Wild Swimming:

Our Half-arsed

Cultural Critic

Dips a Toe

And Phones It In

Wild Swimming:

Our Half-arsed

Cultural Critic

Dips a Toe

And Phones It In

Reporting live on Photogenica Moneyshire, last seen live at Hampstead Ponds.

Empire State of Mind

Imogen West-Knights imagines what her life will be like when she moves to New York after all this is over.

The Busiest

Man in Journalism

The Busiest

Man in Journalism

An interview with the New York Times Correspondent for the New York Times.

On the Trail

of the 'Ndrangheta

On the Trail

of the 'Ndrangheta

Are the Calabrian mafia in London? Anna Sergi and Claudio Petrozziello investigate.

London

Train

Stations

as Serial

Killers

London

Train

Stations

as Serial

Killers

A conceit upon the history of our rail service.

The Opportunistic

Emails of

Benjamin Disraeli

The Opportunistic

Emails of

Benjamin Disraeli

Dizzy will do anything to see his name emboldened within print.

Digital Media Carnage

Endless lay-offs and cocaine goody bags: inside a famous new media publication.

Flann At

Westminster

Flann At

Westminster

Our correspondent, Flann O’Brien, tours Westminster, bringing us news, views, and change from a twenty, depending on your round.

A Letter

from the ICU

A Letter

from the ICU

A must-read dispatch from a doctor working in a major London hospital.

Zest of the Rest:

4 issues for £10

Zest of the Rest:

4 issues for £10

Yellow

Nailpolish,

a Short Story

Yellow

Nailpolish,

a Short Story

Every contemporary short story ever published – as imagined by A.K. Blakemore.

Diary of an

Urban Parson

Rev. Refreshed

Diary of an

Urban Parson

Rev. Refreshed

Laurence Sterne meets Adrian Mole in this clerical dispatch.

Conversations

with Friends

about

Sally Rooney

Conversations

with Friends

about

Sally Rooney

Ella Cory-Wright provides an epistolary inquiry into the zeitgeist and herself.

The Diary of

Samuel

Pepys

iPhone Addict

The Diary of

Samuel

Pepys

iPhone Addict

Thence I to my office, and all afternoon opening and closing the Guardian homepage.

Politics

Off

Grid

Politics

Off

Grid

Our anonymous insider at Broadcasting House relays the bizarre working practices of this beleaguered institution.

Chef Bites Back!

The Fence has hired a Michelin-starred restaurateur to go undercover and analyse the critics.

English Lit. Canon and their

Current Views on Brexit

English Lit. Canon and their

Current Views on Brexit

Daniel Defoe photoshops Marina Hyde articles, and Chaucer just has a bizarre obsession with Anna Soubry.

Chef Bites Back

Slay Rayner!

12 Rules

for Getting your

First Book

Published

12 Rules

for Getting your

First Book

Published

Here is the unvarnished and unimprovable guide to getting published, by a member of The Fence in a senior position at a major publishing house.